the dance of intimacy

“I felt the flow of conversation firmly in my hands, like the reins of an obedient mare: I pull at them and she stops, I shake them and she advances; I move them and she moves subject to my will, to left or to right.” Page 34


This quote instantly reminded me of the Intimate Relations class I am in. The topic we have covered most thoroughly thus far is “The Dance of Intimacy.” I think this quote tells the story of every developing relationship and epitomizes the “dance.” It explains that feeling of trying to maintain control in the relationship because the power is comforting.

Similar to Joey’s quote, this quote contains a counterstory that opposes modern day fairy-tales and love stories. Most stories talk about the “honeymoon phase” of relationships, where everything is exciting and easy; when most flaws are overlooked because of the wonderful beginning-of-the-relationship lust. This quote reveals the true feelings that are involved in the complicated beginning of a relationship, presenting why the beginnings of relationships are so lustful….they’re a rollercoaster of emotions! Mustafa also goes against the common male archetype in love stories these days. He’s far from romantic, and seems more interested in being powerful rather than actually getting to know the girl.

I think it is effective in communicating the truth about these complex dances because of the raw, truthful statement and the use of a metaphor. The reader is already inside of Mustafa’s head, so naturally it is easy to relate with the character when the entire thought process is evident. It’s even easier when he states his feelings flat out, blatantly expressing that he has entire control. Salih strategically places a descriptive metaphor directly after the bold statement, to make it even clearer. The metaphor of an “obedient mare” lowers the woman down to the level of an animal, simply being dragged around by its owner. For me, it created an image of this relationship and the direction it is headed. Lastly, as if the reader does not get an image through the first two attempts, Salih uses more description building off of the metaphor.